..because I'm nervous over.. things. However, this caught my eye, and made it an irresistable impulse for me to post it. It's *painful*, I assure you.Fanfiction Name:
British LoveA Lyserg Story (All right, so already the typos are starting to come through...
)Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2276386/1/Fanfiction Author:
WiNdScArBaBe (Copy and pasted directly, random capitalizations and all.
Robin Konami (Great; named after the Yu-Gi-Oh card-making company.Relations to the Original Characters:
According to her description, Zeke keeps asking her to be his Shaman Queen, and Robin keeps saying no. And not getting burnt to a crisp.Characteristics of the OC:
Directly quoted from the fic, all italics are my insertations, and it's been given paragraphs so that your eyes won't hurt quite so much: "Okay, so your name’s Robin Konami (I don’t own that company that I think makes Yu-Gi-Oh cards…lol…the name of the company is Konami, don’t sue!). You’re normally kind and generous, but if someone pisses you off, you’ll use your big mouth to talk them into thinking twice before they back sass you again. You have pretty long brown hair with lots of red highlights, about a ¼ of the way down your back. Your eyes are a deep forest green. Many boys have gotten lost in them. (Have they considered buying maps for the forest?
Your clothes will change every day, so I’m not going to describe every single garment of clothing that you own. You carry a tan-coloured book bag that can fit anything inside (think Mary Poppins’ bag). (All right, you're Mary Poppins, but apparently HAO -- not Zeke, but HAO -- still wants you. Shocker.
) You have power over all the elements (grass, thunder, darkness.etc.), which means that you are a Celestial Shaman. Only one is born every 1000 years, so you’re pretty special. (...HAO controls all of the elements! You're just a wanker!
) Your weapon is a staff. On one end, it has a purple orb, and on the other end, it has a small slicy thing. (And hopefully you'll drop the wrong end on your toe.
Zeke keeps asking you to join him and be his Shaman Queen, and you keep saying no (sorry Zeke fans!) (What? No, actually, I'm rather relieved that you're leaving Hao alone.
). You have a small cat demon, whose name is Regulus (his name is weird, I know, and you have nicknamed him Reg). His fur is that of an Umbreon’s (from Pokemon), but his body is like Kilala’s (from InuYasha). Your guardian ghost is called Yuki, and she was ½ human, ½ dog demon (since when does SK have dog demons? Oh yeah, since a Mary-Sue decided that it'd make a good ghost.
), but her human side is now that of a ghost… lol. She lived in the Feudal Era of Japan, and also had control over the Elements. Oh, and you can talk to animals. That’s all you need to know. Oh, BTW, in your hometown, all the boys were jerks. This will explain why you blush later. (How many boys were in your hometown? Sheesh.
)Special Abilities That Do Nothing For The Reader Other Than Get On Their Nerves:
She can talk to animals. She has control over all the elements. She has a half-dog-demon spirit. Oh, and she apparently can't bring herself to say "HAO".Critiques/Rants/Samples of the Story:
Okay, this has obviously been written by a dub-watcher. I can live with dub-watchers -- I used to be one -- if they have a decently written fic. But this is a "Your POV" fic. Ehhh. -dies-
The whole plot of the first chapter is that Yoh loses his headphones and Robin finds them. Only choice excerpts have been included; for maximum pain, please read the fic yourself.The group saw a beautiful girl up ahead… with headphones in her hand!
Beautiful. Yeah. That HAS to be noted, of course.A boy with brown hair reached you first. You handed the headphones to him. He must be Yoh,you thought.
Magically, she suddenly knows who he is, and that the headphones belong to him!“My name is Trey Racer,” the guy with spiky blue hair said, shaking your hand.
“Mine is Tao Ren,” the purple-headed guy said, but didn’t shake your hand.
Okay, anybody notice the switches between last name - first name orders?“I’m Lyserg Diethel,” he said. You stuck out your hand for him to shake, but when he took your hand, he lifted it to his lips and kissed it. You felt the heat rise to your face.
Okay, we know now who's going to be her target; Lyserg. And why in MADNESS is Lyserg kissing her hand? Wipe your lips, Lyserg; it's not fit for you to kiss. And then, of course, he doesn't let go of her hand. Why is it that Lyserg has to attack all other Shaman before he joined Yoh's group -- in order to prove them worthy -- but kisses HER hand?
Skimmed the second chapter -- already she's saved someone from Zeke, etc, etc. May I die and therefore never see this terrible thing again.
Er... at least she can spell?
-crawls off to bed with a massive headache-
[EDIT: Finished reading the second and third chapter. If you like your sanity at its current state, I advise you to skip both of them. They double/triple/infinitize the amount of Mary-Sueishness that she had in the previous chpaters and make me want to be quite sick.]